Halsey has opened up about her “complex feelings” after suffering a miscarriage during one of her live shows back in 2015.
- READ MORE: Halsey on a year of ‘If I Can’t Have Love, I Want Power’, covering Kate Bush & Bring Me The Horizon
The ‘Lucky’ singer appeared as guest on the latest episode of the She MD podcast, hosted by Mary Alice Haney and Dr. Thaïs Aliabadi. During the chat, Halsey – who goes by she/them pronouns – opened up about her experience suffering a miscarriage at 20 during a gig.
“I started miscarrying before the show and I was in a really tough position because it was really early on in my career and there was a lot attached to the show,” she said. “There was a corporate partner, there was a greater media entity partner, but more importantly than that to me, there [were] a thousand kids who waited all day long to get into this show and see me.”
She revealed that she ended up putting on an adult diaper and proceeded to perform at the show. “They’d only asked me to perform I think 45 minutes. And I didn’t really have that much music out, to be honest with you, so I don’t know that I could have played longer.”
They shared that once the gig was over, they ended up throwing up in a parking lot and spent the entire night sick in their hotel room. “I remember sitting in the bathtub because I just didn’t know what to do with all the blood and then waking up at 5 or 6 in the morning to get on another aeroplane to go to Canada,” she recalled.
Halsey went on to share that they dealt with a lot of “complex feelings” following their miscarriage which included relief, confusion, guilt and grief as they processed what had happened.
The musician previously spoke about their miscarriage in an interview with Rolling Stone back in 2016. “It’s the angriest performance that I’ve ever done in my life. That was the moment of my life where I thought to myself, ‘I don’t feel like a fucking human being any more.’ This thing, this music, Halsey, whatever it is that I’m doing, took precedence and priority over every decision that I made regarding this entire situation from the moment I found out until the moment it went wrong,” she told the publication.
She added that she had “beat myself up” over the miscarriage “because I think that the reason it happened is just the lifestyle I was living. I wasn’t drinking. I wasn’t doing drugs. I was fucking overworked – in the hospital every couple of weeks because I was dehydrated, needing bags of IVs brought to my green room. I was anaemic, I was fainting. My body just broke the fuck down.”
“I had a choice,” They added. “I want to be a mom more than I want to be a pop star. More than I want to be anything in the world.”
In 2018, they revealed that they were diagnosed with endometriosis and had received surgery for the condition. She also discussed her decision to have her eggs frozen.
In 2021, Halsey welcomed her son Ender with ex Alev Aydin. Recently, the ‘Ghost’ singer shared that she was “lucky to be alive” after experiencing difficulties with her health.
She took to her Instagram account to reveal that she was diagnosed with Lupus SLE and then a rare T-cell lymphoproliferative disorder in 2022.
“Both of which are currently being managed or in remission; and both of which I will likely have for the duration of my life,” she wrote in the caption of her post. “After a rocky start, I slowly got everything under control with the help of amazing doctors. After 2 years, I’m feeling better and I’m more grateful than ever to have music to turn to. I can’t wait to get back where I belong: With you all Singing and screaming my heart out.”
In other news, the singer recently shared their latest single ‘Lucky’ and opened up about they were “really nervous” about clearing the Britney Spears sample.
The post Halsey opens up about “complex feelings” after she miscarried during live show in 2015 appeared first on NME.
