Outside of opera encores and Tom Jones covers acts, lobbing stuff at pop stars doesnāt have the most worshipful of histories. Whoever hoofed a deckchair at 50 Cent at Reading 2004 didnāt follow it with a neck cushion and pina colada. Itās unlikely that the audience member who bottled Brendan Urie unconscious with a direct hit two years later threw the fateful bullseye out of concern that Urie was in urgent need of a restorative swig of piss. Historically, the wellying onstage of bottles, coins, eggs, mud and (in Pearl Jamās case during a U2 support in 1993) shoes has traditionally signified a subtle hint of dissatisfaction with ā even, it could be argued, borderlineĀ animosity towards – the act under bombardment.
These are kinder times, however, and fans appear to have begun to consider chucking objects at their heroes as a form of remote gifting, a kind of moshpit Moonpig. This week a thoughtful, if clearly deranged fan handed P!nk a full wheel of cheese from the front row, presumably under the misapprehension that sheād enjoy it with her band after the show rather than ā as is international pop star protocol ā have it destroyed backstage in a controlled explosion. The previous night, another fan passed up a portion of their motherās ashes onstage, no doubt mistaking P!nk for Keith Richards. The presenting of weird objects to P!nk has clearly becoming a meme; in itself an inadvisable distraction for an artist who needs to worry about getting clipped into intricate safety harnesses to avoid a potentially fatal onstage mishap, and could probably, while sheās at it, do without having to find somewhere about her leotard to secrete 3kg of brie at short notice.
But those fans unable to get close enough to the stage have started resorting to more Daphne & Celeste-at-Reading-2000 tactics. On Sunday, Lil Nas X briefly stopped a show in Stockholm to deal with the unexpected arrival onstage of an artificial sex toy, which isnāt a euphemism for a guest spot by Robbie Williams. āWho threw their pussy onstage?ā X exclaimed, much to the frustration of the writers ofĀ The Idolās sex scenes for not having come up with the line first.
And while objects specifically designed for sumptuous softness ā Iām told ā might not pose too much of a physical threat, the trend of throwing oneās phone at a star in the hope of a quick selfie and lob back has started seriously backfiring. Bebe Rexha was hit in the face by a mobile phone at a New York show, requiring stitches, while singer Steve Lacy smashed one thrown at him. Lil Uzi Vert reacted to being hit by a mobile at Wireless last year by arcing it straight back into the crowd, injuring a fan. Itās only a matter of time, at this rate, before the automated claim services for all mobile phone insurance companies have an option to āpress 4 if you lost your phone by whanging it at Jason Deruloā.
History has bold lessons to teach about such well-meaning but dumb-as-a-wheel-of-cheese behaviour. In 1979 a fan at Madison Square Garden threw a rose at Jethro Tullās Ian Anderson only to wound his eye with a thorn ā Anderson wore protective goggles at subsequent shows. At Norwegian Wood Festival in 2004, a lollipop thrown at David Bowie lodged in his eye, prompting him to threaten to punish the crowd with āan even longer concertā. And more recently, country pop singer Kelsea Ballerini was struck in the face by a bracelet thrown at her. The desire for a memorable one-off connection with the pop gods is understandable, particularly in an age when the wealthiest among us can virtually buy a meet-and-spoon with them before the show. But it shouldnāt need to be said that risking their personal well-being, the gig itself and a bouncerās boot in the face for your troubles isnāt worth any amount of TikTok notoriety.
There is a short, strict list of things that musicians are okay with being thrown at them. Bundles of high denomination paper cash. Hospice-donatable soft toys. Verbal compliments. Underwear with your photo and phone number pinned to the gusset. And thatās it. Anything else, save for your next family buffet. With Ava Max being attacked onstage last month, weāve entered an era where interactions between fan and artist need to revert to respectful boundaries. Itās a performance, not a baby shower or disorderly selfie queue, so let the stars get on with dazzling you without the underlying frisson of warzone.
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